My mistakes

Jolie,
There are some things that you should know about how I got to this point. I am sure by the time you read this blog I am creating that you will have heard many stories from many different people. I just hope you will be willing to listen to mine. I will tell you face to face when you are old enough to understand my version of events.
For now let's just stick to the basics. Your mother and I are not together for a few very good reasons. I loved her as much as I love you, but I was forced to kill the love I had for her. The relationship your mother and I had was not good for me at all, yet that is only part of the reason why we split up. One big problem we had  is our mentalities are on two extremely different, opposing levels. She claims to be a hardcore red neck; I am far from that. Most people would pigeonhole me as an intellectual because I read prolifically and do a lot of different types of writing. Your mother even said to me once that one reason she was attracted to me was because I was so different from what she had known all her life.
That sentiment obviously went out the window somewhere along the line, along with her fidelity, what little communication we shared, and respect for me. I tried my best, everything I knew to stop the leak, but the figurative drip became a literal tidal wave and before I knew what had hit me I got swamped.
 I did many things I wish now I had thought about with a bit more common sense, small things, yet things that made a difference here and there. I can't take back yesterday, so my new plan is to learn from the past and do the best I can, and make a permanent change for the better, for you and I. That includes enrolling myself in college in order to get a degree so that I can be better equipped to provide for you and also to make myself into a better role model; someone you can proudly point to and say "That's my Daddy right there".
I love you Jolie. 
Daddy

My first post.

This blog is going to be an open, running letter to my daughter. Before I begin some explaining is in order. I was married once (only once) to a woman that I was very much in love with. Never mind how much I loved her or the details of that relationship right now; there is no doubt in my mind  these facts will come out later in this blog. Right now I am just trying to find my feet.
 The reason why I am starting this blog is because Father's Day is coming up and that will be the first anniversary of the last time I saw her beautiful face. So I am coming up on a year, a whole year that I have been (illegally) denied access to my child.
 You might ask why is that? The answer will come out soon enough. Right now I just want to use this forum to express what I am not allowed to tell my daughter, Jolie. I am just going to try to start simple, keep it simple, and somewhere along the way I hope to find answers. Right now she is three; on November 7th she will be four. At this writing I am 41 yrs. young and growing.
So here goes: I am going to start this the only way I know how.




Jolie, I love you. More than anything, even my own life. Not being able to see you, play with you, or hear your voice say 'Daddy' is a pain that makes me lose my mind sometimes. Yet I know I must never give up, and I never will. You are worth it. You are my child; my daughter, and I will never let you go, I will never let you fade away. I was standing there in the hospital room when your mother birthed you; I cut the umbilical cord that attached you to her. So that made you mine in my eyes.
We were like peas and carrots; no one could come between us. Yet now I am reduced to writing you a love note. I can still see in my mind's eye how you were dependent and helpless. You made me feel like a giant. I loved that feeling. You were the most important person in my life then and you still are now.I kept a journal but it got ruined. I hope cyberspace is around long enough for you to read these notes. I am going to stop here, for now. I think its enough for the moment.
I love you.
Daddy