Strength comes from the good things.

"Something happens at around 65 miles an hour. The sound of the highway drowns out all sound. Engine vibration travels at a heart's rate. Your field of vision funnels into the immediate, and suddenly, you're not on the road: you're in it and a part of it. Traffic, scenery, cops; all just cardboard cutouts blowing over as you pass. Sometimes I forget the rush of that. It's why I love the long runs, all your problems, all the noise, gone. Nothing else to worry about except what's right in front of you.
Maybe that's the lesson for me today. To hold on the the simple moments, appreciate them a little more. There is not many of them left.
I don't ever want that for you. Finding things that make you happy should not be so hard. I know you will face pain, suffering, hard choices, but you cannot let the weight of it choke the joy out of your life. No matter what, you have to find the things that you love and run to them.
There is an old saying:" That which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I don't believe that. I think the things that try to kill you  make you angry and sad. Strength comes from the good things. Family, friends, the satisfaction of hard work. Those are the things that will keep you whole. Those are the things to hold onto when you're broken."

You are what I hold on to, Jolie. The memory of your kiss on my cheek, and your breath on my neck as you slept in my arms. This is what keeps me going through the darkness.

Daddy

The time they are a'changing.

Jolie,
As I sit here today and write this, a lot of new things have happened lately and right now my life is in the midst of a whirlwind. I found out my mother, your grandmother, is alive and well and wants to repair our relationship that was severed unfortunately over forty years ago. I am more than willing to work on this and have readily accepted her back into my life. I do so, because I know how it feels to be alone and have no hope. I also am doing it for you, because you need to know who she is and feel that love she has to offer you. I never want the feeling of being alone for you and so I write these notes so that when you read them you can understand why things happened the way they did. Some things in life we just have no control over, but when the chance comes to right a wrong, make amends, or start over, you should take it and run with it. 
I also have a sister I never knew about so that means you have a brand new aunt and she is very nice. For the past week I have been talking with them over the phone and just building, building, building, our new relationships and clearing the air about all the mystery that has clouded my life for so long. 
I know you'll be turning five this fall and ready to start school, I just hope I can find a way to convince your mother to let me visit with you before that happens. I wish I could take you for ice cream, just like we used to do before all this started. I think about you every day and always picture you in my mind's eye running and playing dress-up, with my clothes that are way too big for you. But you didn't let that stop you from putting on my boots, now did it! :) "I'm going to work with you, Daddy" is what you would say when I asked. Don't worry, work will come too soon for you, but first you'll need to finish college.
I say college because I want to make sure you have that opportunity, which I never had until now. I have a little surprise in store for you concerning that and I wont write about it here just now, but that information will come soon enough. Let's just say that it will be a huge help in the future for you.
In the meantime I am going to keep doing what I am doing and then putting in the work to make things happen. I can't give up on you, because I know you would never give up on me. I am just not made like that. I'll always be here for you and I will never give up on my quest to get you back in my life where you belong. My darling daughter, 
I love you so very much,
Daddy

Break the binding ties.

Dear Jolie,
As I sit here thinking about this note I am reflecting back on our conversation today. You were telling me that you wanted some more things, and I am more than willing to get those things for you: it is part of my job as a Daddy. More than that though, my job is to make sure you are raised right and get the proper instruction, are protected from harm, and things like that. Unfortunately, I can't do most of what I should because there is a huge gulf separating us: the divorce between your mother and I. Apparently it serves as a way for her to use you against me mercilessly by keeping me from visiting you or seeing you. I did get to talk to you today, and I am grateful for that.
I have not been writing here lately because the pain of being separated from you is very intense, so intense that it breaks me, a grown, gruff man, down to the point of tears. Every time I came here I got stalled. I love you just that much.
No more. I have resolved I cannot let that emotion stop me from writing you letters here anymore, no matter how much it pains me. Right now this is the only outlet I have to let you know I am here and that I have not given up the fight for your love, and your presence in my immediate surroundings. You are precious to me, like 'the ring' was precious to Gollum in that crazy movie about the hobbits :)
We are like two peas in a pod, you and I, and I know it and you know it. The connection we have is intangible, and I am not sure if this is what makes your mother so mad, but it sure seems like it. It can't be broken, separated, rubbed out, blasted away, lied on, killed, or forgotten.
When I look into your eyes in my mind's eye it gives me the strength I need to carry on. The first time I laid my eyes on you I sold all my dreams. Every day that passes brings me closer to you. I'm struggling, I'm holding onto my faith, I'm praying, and I am going to find a way to see you again. You can count on it.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake :) I'll never let you go.
much love, Baby Girl
Daddy

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

Dear Jolie,
I have lived a through a lot of adversity, but nothing is as bad as being separated from you. The pain of it happens daily. So I try to minimize any chances from any other source that could potentially harm me. Unfortunately for me, I have not been successful in that as of late.
 I am the sort of guy to readily care about people in general; I'm not the type to turn my back on anyone. I hope I've passed this quality on to you, Jolie. I don't mean be gullible, but what I do mean is have compassion for others, and above all be open and truthful in your relationships. Don't hide your thoughts or feelings from your friends or family. It will only build up inside you and cause resentment and anger. Hard feelings can follow, and that's never a good thing.
Even someone with the best communication skills in the neighborhood can get this wrong. None of us are perfect. It's taken me most of my life to understand and work this principle, probably because I did not have much guidance as a child. Sometimes I wonder if you were born when I was twenty years old, where would I be right now? Life is hard to figure out most days.
I'm happy you are here are now and that is what matters most. You changed my life the day you were born. The day of your birth is the best thing that has ever happened to this man, and I will always love you and be proud of you. I'll continue to keep working on what I need to for your welfare. Life is a struggle every day, and right now mine is far from a picnic. I'm just barely out of the gate. I do know this for certain: I'm your Daddy; I love you Jolie and I always will.
love, Daddy

My first born daughter.

Jolie,
I decided to write you this morning because I miss you a lot lately. I never get to talk to you anymore, and it pains me. I am sorry I cannot do anything about this right now. I need a lawyer, and they cost money. this is something I do not have, nor have I ever had it. Regardless, I still love you very much, and am pushing every day to find a job that will get me to a place where I can really fight back against the person responsible for our separation. I have not abandoned you, and I think of you every day and night. I have not been sleeping well because I wake up and see your face on my ceiling. Everywhere I look you are there, in other children, other people, everywhere. I am not going to give up this fight, though not being able to see you has taken its toll on me. Restless nights, sleeplessness, anxiety, and worrying are part of my life since your mom has chosen this path.
All I think about every day and night is you. I wonder what you are doing, who you are with, are you okay? I know you miss me. I miss you terribly. I am a grown man and I have wept in frustration over you. I do not know why you are being kept from me, but I have grown angry over it. The only reason I can come up with is that person just wants to inflict pain on me, mercilessly. Using you to do that is despicable and I loathe that type of behavior.You are an innocent baby girl that deserves to see and be with her Daddy, that is me. You do not deserve to be lied to and treated this way, and neither do I.I know this situation  is taking too long to correct, but please have patience with me. I have not given up the fight, and I never will. You are MY daughter, and I am your Daddy.  No one else can replace me, and no one else can replace the spot you have in my heart. You are my firstborn child and my only daughter. I love you more than I love my own life.
Don't give up on me, baby girl. Daddy loves you and I will hold you again in my arms one day soon.
Love,
Daddy

Inspiration

Jolie,
As I write these words, I can see you in my mind's eye, playing dress up and having fun. I think about you constantly, every day in fact. I have not written here in a month or so because it has been very hard for me to learn to deal with being away from you. I do not get to talk to you, even though I make calls and do try to get through. I love you very much, and not hearing your voice does not make me forget you. Instead it hardens my resolve to push through this adversity and it is a goal I have set, to be with you again one day.
 I bought you a dress but I did not send it to you yet because I think you might not get it. If you do, it might not be 'from Daddy'.  So I am still trying to figure that one out. Either way, eventually I am going to send it to you regardless of the outcome. It is a chance I am going to have to take.
 I am still in school, and today is my first day back in class from a much-needed break. I am getting this degree to better my life, and ultimately, to be able to provide a better life for you in the long run. Any time I feel like I want to quit, I see your face smiling back at me from my desk top and I know I can get through whatever life throws at me. You are a source of strength for me and you inspire me, and I am very proud to call you my daughter. I hope one day when you are able to read this you can say the same thing about me. I am going to do everything I can to make sure it is easy for you to do that.
 I love you very much, Jolie and I will never give up on trying to see you or talk to you. I am your Daddy and it is my responsibility to be there for you, and I will be, through whatever may come.
You're my inspiration! I love you, Jolie.
Daddy

Doing hard time.

Jolie,
 Sometimes being away from you feels like being in a prison of sorts, and it is not easy to get past that feeling. There are times when I want to just hold my head and cry, but I do not do that. Instead I pray, and afterward sometimes I feel better. I keep your pictures close by when I am in my home, there is one on my desk, a bunch on my bulletin board, and your face is plastered across my desktop on my personal computer. A lot of the time your face is on my Facebook wall as my profile picture as well, just like it is today. It is there for a very good reason. It helps me to stay focused, and always remember why I am on this earth. This business of working towards a goal that involves your well-being is a long one and arduous, yet I know I cannot give up or stop. I just wish it was not taking so long.
I also get frustrated with your mother when she does not allow me to talk to you. Most of the time I get no answer or cursed out when she does answer. There is no good reason for it other than to try to hurt me. It does hurt when I do not get to talk to you, but I refuse to let it drag me down. It has taken practice again and again, but I am learning to channel that negative energy that I get from her into my drive to succeed and make this dream become a reality. I see now why I should have been more vigilant in goal-setting when I was younger. Better late than not at all!

I bought you a blue dress to wear for the summer. I will send it to you this week and I hope your mother lets you know it came from Daddy, though I am not sure at this point why she lies to you about me, so I'll put a picture of it here now for you to see later and then you will understand. I love you Jolie, and I hope you are having a great summer!
Daddy